The Final Disney Girl

This week we entered the horrific landscape of Disney World just when the masked characters began a murder spree, courtesy of The Final Girl by Bret Gillan. The story started at the Main Street USA Parade as the teenagers, employees, and other visitors milled around and met each other, but that night the plush characters attacked several people as they left the park, magically carrying them off or disintegrating their bodies. Each day, each encounter the results were bloodier and more gruesome, but each time a few survived: Kassandra a naive teenager and her younger sister Tabitha, Instagram queen TabbycatSupreme14, and her dedicated fan Charlie the intolerable dork; and among the adults Jacki the upbeat in-park Tiki Bar tender kept the peace with Carlo who had entered the park to recapture his youth and work through the crisis of his divorce. So, in the final encounters the plush characters focused on these five, a giant Maleficent dragon eating Kassandra, then Charlie and Carlo died at the Tiki Bar until Mickey returned to spirit away TabbycatSupreme14, leaving only Jacki as the “Final Girl” to face the horde. But then the scene changes to a panel of Disney executives setting aside the script shaking their heads at how horrible the idea would be for a movie. Alternative endings on the DVD included: Jacki secretly having masterminded the entire killing spree, and Jacki fleeing the park at sunrise but no one believing their story.